No se

JE NE SAIS PAS
So yeah, that's what I learned in French 2, but if you say "Je ne sais pas" anywhere in France (save Neuilly-sur-Seine), you're gonna get mugged.

nyah nyahnyah nyahnyah j'habite a Neuilly

Step 1: Remember that the ne is not obligatory.

Your teacher asks you a question he knows you don't know the answer to: "Je sais pas"

Step 2: Mix the je and the sais to form something that sounds like shay pa, or j'ai pas (which is NOT any sort of way to spell it, trust me, I tried).

Your host brother asks you where his parents are while you are doing your homework: "shjai pas"

You can also say, "J'en sais pas" (Je n'en sais pas), but in all honesty I'm not sure how different this is from the first one, when it should be used over the first one, or what a translation other than 'I don't know' (which is how my dictionaries and Google Translate translate it as) it could actually be. Find out...?

La fille là-bas !

While we all joked around in French using vraiment for all of our really needs, we never figured out how to actually say the really we were looking for.

Let's address the really that we substituted with vraiment, or what I'll be calling really?. This one is pretty simple, although the direct translation finds no home in English:

Ah bon? = Really?; Truly? (if you're aiming for formal (don't expect to be taken seriously))

"Il faut pas manger des oeufs crus; tu peux tomber malade !"
"Ah bon ? J'en savais pas."
=
"Don't eat raw eggs; you could get sick!"
"Really? I didn't know that."

The next really is the really of really, really something. While très is totally correct, it is being used less and less (at least among the youth) and is being replaced by trop:

"Merde ! T'es trop vite !" = "Shit! You're really (lit. too) fast!"

This can also be replaced with tellement: "You're so fast!"
It helped me remember how to use tellement by breaking it down literally: such-ly.

That brings us to the really that really means actually.

"Il a dit qu'il allait au hypermarché, mais en realité / en actualité / en fait il est allé chez sa copine !" = "He said he was going to the hypermarket (think Wal-Mart, but not as hell-bent on the destruction of mankind), but really/actually he went to his girlfriend's!"

yess

I'll sum it up with a significantly more slangy version of really. Yeah... yeah vache means cow, but vachement is normally translated as real in American English and bloody in British English, but I don't think it's vulgar. At least I hope not.

Toga! Toga!

When it comes to things being the same, in France they're not actually the same...?

If both routes take twenty minutes to get to the destination, then we would say, when asked which is faster, that they are the same.

While driving, I ask, "Isn't that the red car we saw earlier?" then you would say, "Yeah, it's the same one."

But! Where we use 'the same' in both instances, in French there are two words: même, like we learned in French 1, and pareil, that one word that is used (I believe) more than même but that I never learned.

Think of même as the literal same: you're referring to one object in multiple instances.

"C'est où la vouiture que t'as détruit l'année dernière ?"
"Ben, c'est celle-là."
"Ah bon? C'est une voiture differente !"
"Non non, c'est la même; je l'ai reparé."
=
"Where's the car you destroyed last year?"
"Um, it's right there."
"Really? That's a different car!"
"No, it's the same one; I repaired it."

Pareil is used when two different things are so similar they have practically or absolutely no differences.

"Quelle route est plus longue ?"
"Elles sont pareilles."
=
"Which route is longer?"
"They're the same."

Eventually, you'll get used to differentiating between the two, and things like calling twins "la même" will start sounding wrong!

I ate melon while in France

This is what I hope heaven is like

"What type of melon?" No one actually cares what melon I ate, but this could be a good segue way into describing melons in French.

Orange
Rouge
Vert
même jaune


Not actually though. Melons are a complicated matter in France, you will find, as you eat your way through pastéques, miellats, and, wait, really, melons.

Pastéque = watermelon
"Mais le bouton, c'est la taille d'un pastéque !" = "But your pimple, it's the size of a watermelon!"

Miellats = honeydew
"Miellats ? C'est quoi ? Je pense qu'il y en a pas en France." = "Honeydew? What's that? I don't think it exists in France."
*Miel = honey

Melon = cantaloupe
"On sert du melon comme hors d'oeuvre" = "We're serving cantaloupe as an appetizer"

However, in my year in France I only ate cantaloupe, I think I saw one watermelon once, and as far as I could have known honeydew was just some British guy who posts videos on Youtube.

Don't worry! I got him with the door

One of the most baffling conundrums known to mankind is why the hell the French word for avocado is the exact same as the word for lawyer: avocat.
Okay, okay yeah so I see how this could totally be avocado, or like advocate or something.
Lawyer. wat.

Don't worry though. If you think about it, it's pretty hard to get the two confused unless the only word you catch is 'avocat.'

They see me trollin'

"Je porterais des accusations, mais je peux pas payer un avocat." = "I would press charges, but I can't pay for an avocado."

"Dans mon sandwich j'ai mis du dinde, des tomates, et des tranches d'avocat !" = "In my sandwich I put turkey, tomatoes, and lawyer slices!"

See? Easy!

So Krispy

When it comes to cooking fat vessels, the French do it classy. One of the first posts in here had a picture of a delicious powdered beignet, which is basically the French equivalent of a donut, even though it is not a donut.
Beignets are not krispy, or Krispy, either, I was just thinking about Krispy Kremes.

Oh god yeah, yes yeah

They tend to be squarish, and the ones I ate in Tonnerre were squares that were twisted lengthwise, about two euros to the dozen, and were greasy enough to make your fountain pen jump right out from between your fingers.

Here are some sentences:

"C'est un beignet" = "It's a donut"

I didn't put donut in bold because I don't want you (Grace (sadly enough you're still the only follower)) to think that it's a donut. Think of donut as Mewtwo; beignet is Mew.

Challenge dialogue!
"Non ! T'as mangé mes beignets !"
"Ben, ouai, tu les as achetés il y a trois semaines !"
"M'en fou, je vais te casser les jambes !"
"Quoi !"

Dans-côte

What about inside / outside? This is basically the same, except that '-sus' becomes '-dans' (in!) and '-sous' becomes '-hors' (out!)!

Au-dedans = inside; within
Au-dehors = outside


Remember, H is silent, so 'dehors' sounds more like a French person trying to say 'door.'

But! These are moreover for things like, say; boxes. If you want to be more clear (albeit more formal), try this:

Brian est à l'extérieur, mais son parapluie est dans la maison! = Brian is outside, but his umbrella is inside!

Pauvre Brian !

Because pointing up just doesn't cut it

Many of my vocabulary challenges were rooted in words that I thought I knew, but actually didn't.
Think about this: do you know how to say, "I was upstairs?"

Simply and sadly enough, the French have no real word for upstairs or downstairs. But you don't have to improvise! You've got me to spend my free time frantically typing away at my keyboard for you!
Do you remember how to say above or below? No? No big deal; most Americans can't even tell the difference between the two, especially when spoken.
Directly:

Au-dessus = above
Au-dessous = below


I won't normally help with pronunciation, but this is too much.
The difference is in the '-sus' and '-sous.' For the first, push your lips forward like you're doing a 1930s cartoon kiss, and try to force the sound into the front part of the roof of your mouth, kind of in your nose.
For '-sous,' do the exact opposite: the lips need hardly move at all (which you'll find is quite uncommon in French). Push the sound into the back, lower part of your throat; lowering the pitch should help.
'-sus' should sound nasal; '-sous' should sound open.

You can also use "in up" = en haut and "in down" = en bas, which may be easier to pronounce.

So:
"Desolé, j'étais en haut" or "j'étais au-dessus" should do the trick!

I don't think they'll care what you say if you do that, though.

Moi, je suis moi, et toi...

This sums it up for the posts about mediating childish fights!
So, to be honest, it's probably going to end in asserting control to finish the argument. When they start to yell at each other, once again, you're going to need to be able to shut them up. Sorry, Bienvenue, but that's something you could never teach us.

"Tais-toi !" or "Taisez-vous !" = "Be quiet!" should do the trick, but if you need to be more blunt, try "Chut !" = "Shut it!"

Se taire can also be as forceful as Shut up! but if you need more force behind it, you'll have to wait for another post.

Fessing up

Eventually, one of them will have to tell the truth about what actually happened. If you want to speed up the process like a normal person, try, "AVOUEZ ! AVOUEZ !" = "CONFESS! CONFESS!" while shaking them.

If you prefer the reasonable approach, something more along the line of, "Finalement, tu dois avouer" = "Eventually, you have to confess," then there you go.

Maybe you want to mix the two: "Si tu avoues pas je te jetterai dans l'escalier." = "If you don't admit it I'll throw you down the stairs."

It's you who has started !

In trying to stop the heated argument between your younger host brothers over nothing, they are going to be playing more cards than you. Think back to your childhood: you were never the cause of anything annoying!

So despite how little you actually want to know, you will always hear, "C'est toi qu'a commencé !" = "You started it!"

There's little I can say to help beyond that; from here, it only goes downhill. But don't worry! You can use this to:

Pin the blame on your friends! "C'est lui qu'a commencé," or, "C'est eux qui ont commencés."

or to start a street fight! "C'est vous qui avez commencés !"

Adrien he me annoys !

On all of the 301 days I spent in France, not a single one passed without a cry from downstairs:
"Adrien il m'embête !"

As the title implys, this translates to, "Adrien is annoying me!" I promised them both bags of Carambars, a French caramel candy, if they didn't fight for one day; I never spent the five euros I had set aside!

Don't let this deter you from spending a year abroad. With this knowledge, you can mediate with moves like:

"Adrien, arrête de lui embêter !" = "Adrien, stop bothering him!"

and

"Ouai, il est embêtant, et toi tu m'embête aussi !" = "Yeah, he's annoying, and you're annoying me too!"

or simply

"Ta gueule !"